"Get this TD VULTURE AWAY FROM ME!!!!" (Todd Kirkland / Icon SMI)
Fantasy Football Roadkill
TD Vultures Pick Away at RB Value
Updated: July 19, 2014
Original Release: August 12, 2012
Very few things in fantasy football will drive a fanatic to the edge like watching a classic TD Vulture turn your star running back into fantasy football road kill, but it happens all the time.
It's not a matter of "IF", but rather a matter of "WHEN". If you play fantasy football long enough, you too will get to enjoy (suffer in other cases) the
spoils of a good ol' fashioned TD Vulture. But what do we mean by a "TD Vulture"? In this article the Docs dish out a fun read to discuss in detail the various aspects of the dreaded TD Vulture.
At any rate and without further ado, welcome to the world of the TD Vulture:
Your fantasy running back has gained all the tough yards. He's been featured in the offense. He's been the workhorse back that
has converted 3rd down after 3rd down as the offense approaches one of the most coveted lines in all of fantasy football: THE GOAL LINE!
Now is the time for fantasy pay dirt. Now is the time for the fantasy knock out. Now is the time to dish out a good ol' fashioned
fantasy beat down. The kind you can't wait for Monday to make the rounds at the office to recap what happened in "The League" from Sunday.
You've watched your fantasy points creep up with each conversion, but now is the time for the real payoff in fantasy points.
Touchdowns are the lifeblood of any fantasy football league, and a very key ingredient in the recipe for securing the
fantasy win against your opponent.
In anticipation of this critical fantasy moment, you ease toward the T.V. like a lion stalking its prey. You hold your breath and slowly
whisper the words "t-o-u-c-h-d-o-w-n" in a cold stare. Everything goes into slow motion, and all sounds go silent other than your heartbeat
and the indiscernible, slow blither of the announcer coming out of your TV in half speed. Then it happens. You pause in absolute shock. This
is too difficult to process. There has to be some sort of mistake?! You watch your prize RB trot off the field as the coach waives him to the
sideline. Enter stage right is the jumbo package: double tight end, lead blocking fullback, and some foreign RB, NOT your RB mind you, about to get
the ball and coast into the end zone. Sweet heavens! That's right. It's a fantasy football nightmare unfolding right before your eyes.
Meanwhile, in another living room across this great land of ours, we have your opponent. For the sake of this article, let's just call him
"Dumb Luck Chuck" (with all do respect to all the "Chuck's" out there). You see, Dumb Luck Chuck has been pretty much doing nothing all day.
In fact, at this very moment he is asleep on his couch. Every year he shows up to all of his live drafts late -OR- he simply calls in remotely
just to hang up and wait for the league to try to get back in touch with him each time it is his pick. Naturally, half the time they get his
voicemail. In leagues where there is no live draft, he just has his entire team auto-picked with absolutely no inputs from him. Every year
Dumb Luck Chuck flirts right at the edge of getting tossed out of the league, but due to longevity purposes and the three league titles to his
credit spawned from events that go beyond the explanation of serendipity, he survives and does just enough to not get the boot. His current
roster is a smorgasbord of washed up veterans, injured players done for the season that he hasn't bothered dropping from his roster, and of course
three kickers: a starter, a back-up, and a back-up to the back-up. There is also one more player. Squawk! Squawk! That's right. Dumb Luck
Chuck is the proud owner of a TD Vulture. So while you are pulling your hair out scrambling for Maalox as your prized RB gets
pulled from the field at the critical moment in fantasy, Dumb Luck Chuck is asleep while his TD Vulture trots onto the field and punches it in
for the all important TD. In fact, his TD Vulture ends the game with 3 carries for 3 TDs, beating your workhorse back that had 26 carries for
146 yards, but no TDs, in fantasy points.
Watching a classic TD Vulture turn your star running back into fantasy
football road kill can and will drive you mad, but it happens all the time, and it allows fantasy owners like "Dumb Luck Chuck" to acquire these vultures on their roster
and field a competitive fantasy team based on purely a "TD only" diet. We've all been there, and it elicits responses from yelling at the TV to
kicking the family dog. For those savvy fantasy owners out there playing in TD heavy fantasy leagues, a strategic TD Vulture draft pick or
free agent acquisition off your waiver wire can help keep the fantasy ship afloat and championship dreams alive, particularly if suffering
a major injury to your starting RB (RBs are always in high demand and it seems you can never keep enough on your roster no thanks to injuries).
Being the statistical geeks that we are, we couldn't help ourselves and decided to gather a table of all the all-time great TD Vultures since
1980. We are sure some of the names on this list will either bring a nostalgic tear to your eye, or simply outright rage as old wounds are
re-opened. So, behold! Here are the greatest TD vultures to ever trot out onto the field since 1980:
NFL Players with 10+ TDs in Fewer than 110 Attempts (since 1980)